cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
[personal profile] cathugger
I was thinking that I would start posting regularly again, but things have been a little... hectic. It feels like there's too much going on, yet never enough to make life meaningful. When it comes to DreamWidth, I've been hoping to catch up on posts I haven't read and read and reply to comments before posting again. Truth is- I'm a slow reader who has added way too much to my reading page at once. Then there's comments... I usually have a hard time even getting myself to read them because some part of my brain that if I ignore and forget about them, they'll cease to exist. I guess that's true in a way. But no, I need to try to be social. Generally, I feel better connecting to other people--in some ways at least--anyway. The times I do feel worse off, it's because of some irrational problem I need to work through. At the very least, experiencing the problem again will remind me that it exists. I have a tendency to "delete" as many bad memories, emotions, etc. as possible. It's not a horrible ability to have, but it's to the point where I can't control it. If I'm going to be here, I want some memories. Bad memories might make life sound like it's not worth the hassle, but good memories can be a reminder of why living is still worth it. I'm really grateful for [personal profile] woofelss  to keep many of those good memories for me... and tell me about them at the right times.

That got a bit off-topic.

A lot has happened since my last post, and I don't know how to break it up. If I put all of it in one post, it would be very, very long and probably get more unorganized. Maybe I can put together a quick overview of basic events.
  • I had cervical surgery and am going through recovery
  • I spent some time in the hospital, which was interesting
  • I finally got a new mouse (the last mouse was horrible and did a lot of weird things a mouse shouldn't have the power to do) and mousepad and am waiting for a more functional headset
  • I've probably researched and learned some things out of curiosity
  • I saw a friend (?) I haven't seen in a while... still not sure what he thinks of me
  • I'm still enviously listening to my brother improve on the bass
  • Things have changed in my family in multiple ways, and I don't even know where to begin there
  • I've been in a pretty low place mentally for a while now
And that's what came to mind at that moment. I'll probably go more into depth at some point. Waiting for [personal profile] woofelss to get back from his (last) class, and we'll probably end up calling and playing a game together after that. For now, I think I'll continue going through my reading list, check on some updates from elsewhere, and possible play some Black Desert

Date: 6 May 2017 08:51 am (UTC)
spindle_ella: (carmen sandiego)
From: [personal profile] spindle_ella
At first I thought you meant pet mouse and was very confused. I hope your recovery goes well and you feel a bit brighter soon!

Date: 7 May 2017 03:15 pm (UTC)
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
From: [personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
Sending you sympathy re: ignoring comments. I struggle with that too. I seem to go back and forth between really wanting comments / "likes" / etc., versus being really anxious about them, avoiding looking at notifications, and feeling too intimidated to reply. It's a work in progress.

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cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Ashley

June 2017

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