cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I don't have much to say about today other than the fact that I've been doing better than expected today. Maybe it's because of zoning out, but... I don't think it's that bad today. Of course, that makes me worry that I'm going to blow up later, which is likely. I don't know. This is weird.

Partner is still at the beach. I went on a walk--movement suggested for me to do after surgery--with my dad. It helped me realize that my legs are still wobbly, and I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was, but it was nice to move around for once. Now I'm still hooked up to the bone stimulator and just got the PICC line running. At least these things are a good excuse for not moving or trying to get much done around the house. 

Now I'm back to BDO and phone games, both of which require me to do nothing and just wait sometimes. Then I don't know what to do (orrr start writing this post).

Since I mentioned getting stuff done around the house, maybe I'll go more into that and at least stop avoiding thoughts about it. The whole house is a mess. Honestly, I think most of my family has given up on it. That includes me. I don't know the last time I had a clear head and motivation to work on something. Doing 5 minutes of work at a time worked at first... now I'm having a hard time doing that, or even looking in different directions. Now, fixing all of these messes sounds impossible.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I think I've been letting myself sleep too much lately. In a way, I'm kind of happy that I can sleep pretty much whenever I want to. It means I can freely skip through different periods of time and remember even less of what happened. That doesn't mean it's improving things, though.

I'm currently sitting at my desk (instead of on the rug sleeping) in a quiet house next to an IV pole with a pretty-much-empty bag of fluids. Not much longer, and I'll be free to walk around without dragging this giant pole everywhere. Too bad I don't feel like doing anything... except sleeping. I don't know what else to do. Nothing is going on in my brain right now, and I don't have anything that needs to get done asap. (This reminds me that my spaces in the house are a mess, and I have baskets of clothes to fold, but it's all stuff I can't get myself to care enough to do.)

Went up to 300mg of Lithium today. No difference so far... as far as I can tell. Or I think that happened. All this sleep (especially with narcolepsy/other sleep variances) is messing with my memory. It's hard to tell what has actually happened--like even harder than usual--and what is a false memory generated by a dream. 

Okay, just got unhooked from the IV line. I have a little motivation now. Maybe I can get myself to do something... but what? It's already almost 8PM.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I didn't think that Vyvanse was helping that much, but switching from 50mg once a day to 30mg twice a day seems to be making a huge difference. Falling asleep is even easier than it was before, and being depressed, I've been taking that to my advantage. Now, when I'm stuck at home for most of the day, I spend a lot of time sleeping. I guess I got used to the effects of the other dose because I don't remember fighting quite this hard to stay awake, even when I was unmedicated. At least this shows that something is working. I need to contact my psych nurse (who seems to know more about narcolepsy than my sleep specialist did), but I've been lacking so much energy and motivation. Since much of my depression seems dopamine-related, I might be going downhill in that area, too. I don't think the adrenaline rushes have been that bad since changing the dose, though.

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cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Ashley

June 2017

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