Jan. 5th, 2017

cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
January 4, 2017

Here I am, doing the second entry of tonight. I'm pretty pleased with the last one, though, and writing today and yesterday's prompts in one night will feel nice in the end (saying "will" to help encourage myself). It's been a pretty hard day emotionally, though I could feel much worse physically. Lots of family drama that I can't remember much of. Maybe that's a good thing. Racer has also been going after Toby a lot today. I still haven't figured out the cause or if he's going to ever stop it, so that's an extra stressor on top of everything else. Racer started doing it again when I had to bring them back to the garage, so I went ahead and let Toby out to give him a break. Still gotta figure out what to do about the situation tonight, though. I have no clue what I'm going to do.

Personal Prompt: Write a letter to your future self.

Dear twenty-five-year-old me,

I'm scared for you. I really am. And more than anything else, I hope you're doing better. I hope you're still with [livejournal.com profile] woofelss ... if that's how things are meant to be. I hope you've found some peace with your past and that you can let go of some old grudges. I hope you can forgive and free yourself from mental debts and regrets. If you have lost your cats or anyone else important to you, I'm so sorry. I can't believe how hard that must be, and at this moment, it sounds impossible to live through. Get help. Complain. Grieve. Take breaks. (And these things don't only refer to the loss of another being.) It's a lot to go through. If you're worried about what you could've done better in the past, I, from the past, am trying my best with what I know now. You've got my support and reassurance. It's really fucking hard. If you've made it this far, I applaud you. Whether you feel like you've improved as a person or not, the fact that you've made it this far shows that you have in one way or another. If you still haven't figured things out, you're not old. You have time left. Please feel empowered. You're strong and have been trying your best with what you've been given. Please keep going... for me.

You're making progress,
Nineteen-year-old me

Creative Prompt: Write a letter to someone you admire.

Lady Gaga, 

I don't know much about you. I'm going to be honest about that. But because of what I do know--your music, your looks, your personality, your life struggles, what you stand for, who you appear to be--I really look up to you. Your music and not-so-hidden differences are things they are easy to connect with. Because of those things, you can reach in and touch me on a deeper level than most artists can. I've noticed your dissociative moments for a while, and even though I hate that you have to deal with the symptoms of PTSD, it's really comforting to me. I struggle with dissociation, and it can create such awkward and hard-to-explain moments/reactions around other people. It really helps to see someone I admire dealing with similar issues (at least with the dissociation). It makes it feel more possible to be someone I can admire, too. 

And your music... your performances... it's all pure art. It all touches me in ways that are hard or even impossible to explain verbally. I really admire your ability to do that. 

Thank you for existing,
Someone who really admires you

cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
January 5, 2017

It's about 9PM now, and I was really hoping to get this written earlier. I've already had a hard time keeping up with these, which is a bit discouraging because I'm assuming it'll get harder with time. Maybe not, though. The past few days have been pretty dramatic where I live, so maybe it'll just get easier when that lightens up. Right now, it's hard to get myself to do anything that doesn't instantly make me feel a little better. I usually have problems getting myself to start writing, and it usually ends up being stressful until I move past that point. So writing isn't helpful in this situation... at least not right away.

Personal Prompt: Name five things you are proud of and five things you are not so proud of.

Five things I'm proud of:
  1. Learning to open up and be honest
  2. Getting good grades in my classes
  3. Completing and sticking to DBT class
  4. Learning useful things about myself and my illnesses
  5. Surviving

Five things I'm not proud of: 
  1. Being manipulative
  2. Being controlling
  3. Getting my hopes up about people
  4. Harmful coping methods
  5. Not being there for my dog or cats more in the past

Creative Prompt: Plan your dream vacation. (Where are you going? Who is coming with? What are you doing?)

Honestly, I haven't come up with a single dream vacation. There are lots of places that I would love to visit just for the new experience. Thinking of it that way, I don't know what vacation to somewhere new wouldn't be a dream vacation. I guess the more new/exciting the better, though. I'll try to come up with an image.

First, I need to pick a place. I'm not going to dwell on it too much because picking somewhere to go could take a long time. So I guess I'll pick... Hawaii? I don't know much about the place, but its name keeps coming up in conversations. I'd love to go there at least once in my lifetime, and it seems to have the type of environment I like.

Of course, I'd bring [livejournal.com profile] woofelss along, and I think we'd just sort of try everything out: famous places, local restaurants, stores, etc. And of course, it'd be cool to check all the different environments out and save time to relax in a nice hotel. It's hard to think of specifics because I don't know much about Hawaii. But because of that, I'd be happy with almost anything!


cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)

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