cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Well, looks like my body is needing less sleep now... or at least thinking that it does. I only got about 4-5 hours of sleep, and though I have no problem fading in and out of very light sleep, I can't seem to go into deep sleep anymore. And I feel more awake than I usually do at other times of the day.

So here I am. I've been up since 8 or so, and that's early for me. This sort of thing has been happening more and more lately and might be correlating with the increased dose of Prozac. Oh well. I'm not any more tired during the day, and I might be seeing improvements with my mood, so that's fine with me.

Speaking of medications, I'll be seeing an allergist today to talk about Xolair, and I saw my psychiatric nurse yesterday. I can't remember much about the appointment, but she prescribed a low-dose mood stabilizer that could be helpful for a huge variety of things. I'm also supposed to try logging how full my stomach is along with effectiveness of Xanax to see the dissolving kind might be appropriate. For the same reason, she also wants me to try *shiver* leaving the tablet under my tongue to dissolve. Apparently the dissolving kind is more expensive, and insurance companies often deny paying for it unless you've tried the scary task of dissolving regular Xanax in your mouth first. My prescriber said that, of course, she could lie to them, but there wasn't much of a point if it isn't going to work any better in the first place.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Closeup side picture of the writer's face. Her cheek has a swirly red tone with slightly peeling skin and a few redder bumps.A tube labeled "Hydrocortisone Cream: Fast Itch And Rash Relief."
My face decided to feel all sunburn-y again. It felt tight and raw ever since this morning but got much worse after I took a shower. At that point, any contact or movement of my facial muscles caused that burning and stinging sensation, and my cheeks felt very dry and almost spongy. At least it’s not covering my whole face this time; it seems to be centered around my cheeks. Some hive-like bumps, at least one that contained pus, also appeared as soon I was out of the shower. It’s amazing how your skin can change its appearance and even its shape so fast.

Anyway, it was relieving when we found another tube of the hydrocortisone cream that helped the last time this happened, especially since nothing else we tried helped (and some possibly made it worse). I was a little unsure about trying it this time because 1. it was made by a different brand and may have different side ingredients, and 2. it made my face burn a lot at first. Five to ten minutes later? I could move my face, touch my skin–even pull on it–and it barely felt painful or raw. This cream also moisturizes better than any moisturizer… at least for me. It’s still red and bumpy for some reason, but I’m so glad that I have something to make my face feel better.

So, yeah, something to consider trying if you ever have problems with red raw/burning/stinging skin. It’s meant for itchiness in general, so you might find it helpful for that, too (though it seems to only help me with the sunburn-like feeling.)

Originally posted on Tumblr.


Dec. 1st, 2016 01:40 am
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
The appointment finally ended (yay!) around 11PM. (I’ve never seen a doctor who works this late.) The thyroid tests I took recently hinted at both hyper and hypothyroid problems, which wouldn’t be surprising because almost everyone on my mom’s side of the family has Hashimoto’s disease. I’m also supposed to quit using the progesterone cream--something that’s been preventing constant daily dilation and hot flashes--and take a birth control pill instead. Even though I’ve already stopped it a month ago, I am apparently ovulating on my period (at least two times per cycle), which can mess with the thyroid test results anyway. My endocrinologist seems to think that being on “the pill” will make any thyroid abnormalities more visible, so I’ll be retaking the test a few months after starting it. (More waking up early...yay...)

Originally posted on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Well, the IV is done and definitely took hours longer than expected. I only got one liter of fluids but still somehow feel like a giant pulsing thumb… mostly in my head. I normally get this to some extent when I get IVs. I just don’t know if it’s happened to this extreme before. It’s really annoying and honestly feels like my eyeballs will pop out, and skin is filled with water balloons waiting to break. Maybe the doctor I’ll be seeing today will know something about it. (I’m curious at the very least.)

Originally posted on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I seem to have done a lot today because I didn't get home until 7PM (a wild guess) or so. I think I also had to wake up early--or at least early for me--to go to some appointment, but I can't remember much about the appointment, and it feels like it could've been at least months ago. All I know is that I saw this doctor for the first time in years (not sure how many exactly). After that and some other things that I can't remember took place, I got my "usuals" at Starbucks and Noodles & Company and went home. My arrival was soon welcomed by even more pain, nausea, a headache, and weakness. My stomach basically started acting like I got food poisoning. I was hoping to drink a lot of fluids (not that I would retain them anyway) and get in a decent amount of calories today, but you know what? Never mind. I could barely get myself to drink enough water to get my gastrocrom and most important meds down. Somehow I did that and made it to bed.

This also means that I'll most likely feel pretty bad tomorrow. Ideally, I would stay home and rest tomorrow, but I was just told that I have other things to do. Earlier in the day (too early for me), I'll be getting up to get IV saline, which will probably take 2-3 hours. Then I'll have to see my endocrinologist later in the day. I honestly have no clue how I'm going to do that... even though I won't be doing any of the driving or anything. It doesn't help that I can't stop myself from needing to shower right before leaving the house.

Blah, just ate some nuts because my stomach was feeling a little better. Instant regret.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
It has been and is going to be a pretty uneventful day. That doesn't stop me from being exhausted!

My partner helped me research devices for tracking pulse, steps, sleep, body temp, etc., and he found one that sounds great for the price! I'm hoping to try it out soon. Because of my POTS, narcolepsy, and possible sleep apnea (it's complicated), being able to find patterns in pulse and sleep sounds really helpful. I'm also trying to work on having a more consistent amount of steps/exercise throughout the day. Spending most days not moving much and having the occasional day where I move 5 or 10 times more is probably contributing to my crashes. If I could accurate track my activity, I can find patterns in what makes me feel better/worse. For now, I downloaded an app that's supposed to use your mic to track your sleep, and it seems to think that I've been going from being awake to being in deep sleep constantly throughout the night. If it's accurate, maybe that's one reason I'm so tired today.

I also started my cycle, which is making IC and probably dehydration worse. Luckily, I should be able to get fluids again soon. I'm currently getting one liter a week until I can find a doctor to set my PICC line up. It might be helping a tiny bit. It's really hard to tell.

I'm also supposed to do more physical therapy today. I adjusted my schedule so I only did my exercises 3 times a week because my muscles have been taking much more time to recover. At this point, after doing a really easy exercise, my muscles can feel extra sore for over a week. It's hard to tell if I should be exercising during that time because they say often say to rest and let your muscles rebuild themselves when you're sore. I should probably bring this up to my physical therapist. I think I'll try to do the exercises today.

What do I do on a typical Monday? Nothing out of the ordinary. Usually, I either have a doctor appointment or am staying at home recovering from something I've done on Sunday.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Day #30: And finally... starting at your toes and working up to your head, name each part of your body and how your illness has affected it, followed by something you like about that part of your body.

Looks like I finally made it to the end in a lot longer than 30 days. This one's going to be a challenge. I'll try to not stress about it and only talk about the most commonly-known body parts.

-Toes. My illnesses have affected my toes by causing them to constantly crack and occasionally hurt when I walk. They have also made my toes constantly cold, no matter how much heat is applied to them. What do I like about them? That's hard to say. I don't have the most visually appealing toes. I like how they support me and help my balance while I walk. (That's what toes do, right?)

-Feet & ankles. My feet and ankles are affected in similar ways to my toes. Actually, they might have to go through a little more since EDS has made me flat-footed, and much of the achy pain starts around my ankles (and wrists). I like them because they support me as I walk and fit in a pretty average-sized shoe, meaning shoe shopping usually isn't a problem (though now that I have shoe inserts, that part has changed a bit).

-Calves. They're often hit by the achy pain when it starts to spread from my ankles. My calves have to deal with that... as well as the pain that shoots down when my knee pops into a weird position. They're also a lot weaker than they used to be and are often sore from mild exercise I did over a week ago. One thing I like about them is (similar to everything else) they allow me to walk. Sometimes I like how they look, too. It really depends.

-Knees. When cataplexy hits, it likes to go for the knees. I also get a lot of sharp pains and weird pops in them--probably from the EDS. The pain, occasional limited mobility, and the constant about-to-crack feeling can make it hard to walk. I like that they allow my legs to bend, and I find wobbling my knee caps around kind of amusing. (Yes, I know I shouldn't be doing that.)

-Thighs. My thighs are affected similarly to every other part of my legs. The achy pain often spreads up there, too, and they're much weaker and more shaky than they used to be. On top of that, I feel a lot of my period pain (which can get bad) in my thighs, and they have to deal with pain caused by hip issues. Like the rest of my legs, they allow me to walk. I also like how they look occasionally--or I did when I had a little more weight on me. They have potential.

-Hips. A lot of my joint pain comes from my hips. They're also partially responsible for my flat feet and therefore cause pain in a lot of other areas. And (thanks to the EDS), they can bend pretty far in different directions and freak other people out. That can be fun.

-Stomach. The upper part of my stomach (which would technically be my stomach) has caused a lot of nausea. My lower stomach has to deal with bloating, IBS symptoms, as well as period pains. I like how it can digest food, which means I can eat and enjoy food. It doesn't really look bad either.

-Chest. My illnesses have caused heart palpitations, tachycardia, breathing issues, lung inflammation, etc., so my chest often hurts, feels really off, or feels heavy. Still, my heart and lungs keep me going when they can. I'm often grateful for that.

-Back. This is where most of the ongoing pain is. No matter what position I'm in, it hurts to some degree. It's mostly in the upper back and probably comes from a mix of scoliosis, nerve problems, ribs being in the wrong position, and inflammation. The muscles in my back can also get weak, making it hard for me to hold myself upright. But, for most of the time, my back can hold me up decently, and I'm grateful for that. It also plays a role in stabilizing the rest of my body. When it's fixed, some other body parts will probably feel better as well.

-Shoulders. They mostly experience lots of popping, weakness, and pain. I think I generally like how they look, though... minus the boniness. They also serve me well when they're working somewhat correctly.

-Arms & elbows. Even though my elbows bend really far backwards, my arms aren't affected too badly. I'll get the occasional sharp elbow or upper-arm pains (probably from my shoulder), and they'll get inflammed a every now and then, but they're almost left untouched compared to the rest of my body. Oh, and they're often where tremors and muscle jumps are located. To be honest, I'm not that fond of my arms, but... they help me get through the day? I think I also like the freckles on them because that makes them somewhat unique.

-Hands & wrists. I get a lot of tremors in my hands, so doing anything that involves fine motor skills can be difficult. My wrists are also where a lot of the achy pains start. But my hands still do allow me to do some things I can enjoy, like playing games, drawing, or doing makeup. (The tremors have definitely made all of those activities more difficult, though. At least that gives me a challenge...?)

-Neck. Like my upper back, my neck goes through a lot of consistent pain. Often, after spasms, I'll have a hard time holding it up. To be honest, it's hard to think of something I like about my neck. It holds my head up and can bend a lot. That'll have to be good enough.

-Head. I get a lot of headaches--probably for multiple reasons. I'm also going to mention the vertigo because it's been annoying the heck out of me for the past however many days. The skin on my face also gets messed up, and my eyes are usually very heavy and hard to keep open from constantly being on the verge of sleep. I can also get a lot of tingling and other weird symptoms in my head. When it comes to my eyes... I often temporarily lose vision or grey out when I stand up, and there are constantly floaters and other moving things in my vision. And my throat hurts. And then there's brain fog and all the other brain problems. I'm going to stop now, though. Something I like about my head? I like that I can use it to think my way through this stuff (even if I'm not that happy about how I think), and I like that the senses on my face can take in the environment around me. And I like that my brain, in turn, can often find something unique/artistic about it.

* * *

Hopefully that was somewhat readable. My head got foggier and foggier as I wrote this, and I had to return from multiple interruptions. At least that shows my dedication, right?

Thanks to whoever came up with this challenge... and to the person who posted it on 7 Cups. I'm glad I came across this and will probably continue to read the things other people write.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Today's been better. Still getting that constant vertigo and weird bladder issues, but I've been able to manage. (To be honest, it got to the point where I lightly peed my pants yesterday without warning. It was during a time when the constantly-needing-to-pee feeling was finally leaving me alone for once. That feeling doesn't seem to trustworthy anymore, but I know my body's trying its best.) It's been the most productive day I've had in a while, even though I spent most of the time zoning out. Now that I think of it, I can't really remember what I've done today. I just know that I've checked a lot of items off my to-do list. I'm good with that.

It's only about 11:30PM (which isn't that late to me), and I'm ready to lie down in bed and instantly fall asleep. I've spent much of the past few hours eating and spending time with my family. (Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted.) We didn't have much of a variety, but the food was all really good--at least to me. It's been a while since I've had that much real food. We also picked up some gluten-free bready things from a nearby (meaning an hour away) bakery. I really wish my stomach could hold more of that stuff.

Compared to yesterday and the days before, everything feels a lot clearer, and I think I'm less depressed. At least I could say I'm much more motivated than before. I mean, there's no way I would've been able to get any of this stuff done during the last however many days. Maybe I'll continue to feel this way tomorrow.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Day #29: What has helped you cope with the stress of this lifestyle?

I'll list a few things that come to mind. 

-My cats. They've always given me a reason to keep going, and they're really good at comforting me. It's also nice that they'll come to visit me when I'm lying down when I don't have people who can/will. 

-My partner. I've never been as comfortable around anyone else. He knows me really well, and we've been through some tough times together I didn't think we'd make it through. He's stuck around when he probably should have left. Several years later, he's still with me and understands the whole chronic illness thing surprisingly well. 

-My mom. We usually don't get along too well, and things can be chaotic between us, but she lives with many of the same illnesses. I learn a lot from her, and she plans a lot of my appointments for me because I can't get myself to talk to people. This lifestyle would've been much harder without her.

-Coffee. It seems to help with my pain and therefore makes me more functional.

-Online communities. Knowing others who also live with chronic illness can be comforting and can help me have lower expectations of myself. 

-Food that's easy to get and eat. Do I really have to explain this one?
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Ugh, I can already feel it getting worse. I almost forgot how much of a “boost” summer gave me, and I can’t function that well for the rest of the year.

When it gets colder, my whole system seems to shut down. My body feels more achy, tired, and generally messed up. And my brain gets about 5x slower... as if it isn’t already slow enough. My motivation and memory get even worse, and I sleep more than usual. Whatever correlates with the lack-of-energy type of depression flares up. I basically end up hibernating for 3/4 of the year.

It’s really easy to forget when things have been warm for a while...

Originally posted
on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Day 28: Name 5 things you have achieved despite your illness.

1. I may be taking a break from school now, but I've been able to take a few classes despite feeling horrible.
2. Traveled to a few new places, including New Mexico and Yellowstone. Yes, I've had to do a lot of pacing and felt bad for a good amount of the time, but I'm grateful for the experiences I've had at those places.
3. A professor wanted to keep my essay as an example for future students once. 
4. I've gotten some letters from a few honor societies even though I've only taken a few classes (probably the reason I got high grades). It's weird because they started sending me them a little while after I started my break from school.
5. Pretty sure I've won some rollerblade and foot races when I was little, and I remember having a lot of joint pain back then (though it was periodic).
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Here we go again. I’ll try to make this one shorter.

This is probably something I’ve talked (and possibly complained) about before. Ever since--or a few days to a week after--I started the SIBO antibiotics, my face broke out worse than it has before. It started on my forehead and spread downward to the space on/around my nose. My compulsions and uncontrollable drive to constantly “tend to” my skin (not going to go into what that consisted of) only made things worse. I guess it works as a representation of how your body and mind can work together to hurt you.

My mom seemed to think that it was from my autoimmune urticaria, but I wasn’t so sure. I suspected a yeast infection for a while because it seemed like something that could be caused by the antibiotics.
Read more... )
Today, I thought I’d Google the description of some of the skin changes... not thinking I would find anything important. I quickly came across several articles about a protein called keratin that can continuously clog pores. It’s produced by a part of the immune system called keratinocytes, also known as basal cells (!). Basal cells, along with mast cells, can be “activated” by autoimmune urticaria (based on one source that I can’t seem to find anymore.. ugh). Keratin is created as a wall between the internal and external environment: It keeps needed things like fluids in while trying to keep anything the body finds threatening out. So maybe my mom was right about this...but don’t take any of this too seriously because I can’t find where I’ve read much of this information anymore, and my memory isn’t that trustworthy.

There’s a lot that I’ve already forgotten, but at least I have some possibilities written somewhere.

Originally posted on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Day #27: What's the most helpful advice you have had?

I know I say this a lot, but this one won't be easy to answer either. If tried to come up with the most helpful advice I've received, I would probably spend way too much time thinking and still not come up with an answer.

Some generally helpful advice I've heard is to figure out what you have the energy for, trust it, and accept it. Respect your body/mind for what it can do, and appreciate it for how hard it fights. Give yourself a break. Or two breaks. Or two hundred. Work on accepting your limitations, and don't try to stop yourself from grieving your old expectations if that's what you need to do. If you have a hard time doing something, let someone help you. Remember that it may not be hard at all for them. You're doing great.

Okay, that's not really one piece of advice. I just named helpful tips and reminders I've heard off the top of my head... but I think they all really have helped me.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
and I’m going to try to process them before I completely forget everything. Hopefully this ends up making sense.

Recently, I’ve learned two things: I’ve been chronically dehydrated and may need a PICC line/port, and I might be experiencing “spinal headaches. My geneticist, who seems to have experience with multiple POTS patients who can’t orally hydrate, brought up the dehydration thing. And I happened to come across info on spinal headaches accidentally when doing my research. (Can’t remember exactly how.) Spinal headaches are often associated with intracranial hypotension and procedures that involve the brain or its fluid. Based on the description–headaches that begin in an upright position and disappear or almost disappear when lying down–I’ve definitely experienced them before, though I could see the headache having multiple causes that aren’t as well-known.

I’ve been doing a little research on spinal headaches over the past week and learned that they’re often caused by spinal fluid leaks. The spinal fluid is held in by a sack (?) thing, which is more likely to tear in “those with hyperflexibility of the joints.” The brain then sags downwards toward the neck (possible relationship to Chiari?) and presses on some nerves. Several sources have said that dehydration can make this worse. I’m pretty sure that I’ve also heard that, when spinal fluid decreases in the head, blood may try to take its place, leading to a pounding feeling and possibly adding to the pain. Because caffeine constricts the blood vessels (sound familiar?), it’s one of the recommended treatments. Wow.

I started looking into dehydration a little more recently. I wanted to figure out how many of my symptoms might be caused by dehydration. After passing a bunch of obvious symptoms, I saw an article on “Unusual Dehydration Symptoms.” (Not sure what they mean by “unusual” but okay.) I learned a few things that might mean something: fever and chills are connected to dehydration, and food cravings. The second one is because the body lacks the fluids needed to convert some food into energy. (I can see this possibly affecting weight, too.)

But for some reason, the symptom in the dehydration article that surprised me the most was headaches. Okay, it’s pretty well known that headaches are caused by dehydration. The surprising part was the explanation of how dehydration caused headaches. It explained how lacking fluids could lead to decreased spinal fluid. And that leads to the brain sinking and… basically what I explained in the paragraph above.

So, basically, decreased spinal fluid might be able to be caused by dehydration alone. A leak may not be necessary (not that I fully trust that article or anything). (Maybe that’s how some other headaches are formed as well?) To be honest, I haven’t spent that much time researching “spinal headaches,” and I’ve already spotted possible connections to POTS, EDS, dehydration, and Chiari malformation. Interesting. It might also be connected to the smaller-than-normal opening my brain stem goes through.


Well, I just got interrupted because apparently, there was a physical therapy appointment no one told me about. I’m not going to try to finish what I was trying to say because 1. I’m exhausted and 2. this is long enough as is. Don’t take anything in here too seriously because I haven’t spent much time researching it (which might be obvious anyway).

The Spider

Nov. 15th, 2016 08:31 pm
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
As I may have said before, I’ve been getting a lot of quick hypnagogic hallucinations in the middle of the night. They started happening after I heard someone talking about how there are commonly spiders in people’s beds. I’ve never been that scared of spiders (actually, I loved them when I was little), but soon after that, I started waking up in the middle of the night to seeing and occasionally feeling a spider on me or in my bed. Luckily, there’s a futon in my room at the moment, so I’d just go back to sleep on that.

Eventually I got to the point where I could tell myself that it probably wasn’t real soon after it occurred. I’m sure it’s messing with my sleep, but I can’t help but laugh at it for some reason. I find me waking up and freaking out about “seeing” a spider in my bed over and over again very amusing.

Anyway, last night things escalated to a whole new level. Usually I’d wake up to a spider that instantly ran under the covers and vanished from sight. That made it easier to tell myself that it wasn’t real. Last night, the same thing happened, but the tickling feeling of a spider crawling on me was much more obvious (though I’m pretty sure I felt it on both sides of my body far away from where he spider hid, which stopped making sense after I snapped out of it). Then a spider web was floating, getting closer and closer to my face. At the time, I was awake enough to tell myself that it wasn’t real. It just hovered over my face for so long and eventually started tickling it. At that point, I got up and switched to the futon to get as far away from it as possible. It might’ve disappeared when I looked back at my bed. It’s hard to remember.

The next day, when I wasn’t stuck with that in-dream reasoning, I realized that it was pretty much impossible that a spider web could float and hover in that way. Another reason to laugh at it.

I just wonder why it’s always spider-related. Pretty sure I don’t think about spiders much–at least not consciously. I don’t think my normal dreams are about them either. It’s interesting.

Originally posted
on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Okay, so I’ve been taking cromolyn sodium orally (or gastrocrom) for a while now and finally got around to trying the nebulized version. Pretty sure the oral version has been helping with nausea (with possibly making my nose temporary runnier), but it’s hard to tell because I’ve been on it for so long.

Anyway, I tried nebulized cromolyn tonight, and though it took me a few minutes to get used to inhaling it without coughing, it went pretty well for a while. A few minutes after I finished inhaling it, my sore throat started coming back, I started coughing again, and I was kind of dizzy (all of which make sense, especially since I have problems with heavy breathing through my mouth). Ten or so minutes later, my throat started getting annoyingly warm, followed by my face. My face also seemed to be redder than usual and started aching. Still, I don’t know how much of this would’ve happened normally if I spent five to ten minutes deeply breathing through my mouth. I don’t think my face and throat have felt hot and throbby/sore when I’ve had to breathe like this in the past, though.

My mom seems to think that if I continue inhaling it once a day, my body might adapt. Maybe my throat just needs to get used to something unusual entering it. After all, my skin can react to contact sometimes. Or this could be a normal part of taking nebulized cromolyn, and it isn’t harming my body in any way. I’ll probably take half a vial (yes, I started with a full vial) once a day for a while and see what happens.

Originally posted on Tumblr. 
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Day 26: What impact has this had on your friends, family, partner, parents, etc.?

This one is kind of difficult because I've been sick for most/all of the time people have known me. Also not quite sure how I'm going to organize this, so that's been keeping me from writing it. I'll probably just organize it by relationship type.

Friends - I don't think I have many friends who are close enough to be affected by my illnesses. I feel a lot of guilt or embarrassment when bringing them up, and people often don't know what to say or how to react. It probably affects them in one way or another, but I would have a hard time knowing how because it's not something anyone would bring up. They have expressed some confusion over some things I have to do to take care of my health, though (such as consuming high salt or doing physical therapy). I think my mental illnesses have affected them more than anything; they never really understood me suddenly avoiding them for long periods, and they probably don't get the constant loss of memories. I don't know what they think/feel about any of that to be honest.

Family - It definitely seems like my illnesses have been affecting my family because they have to spend more time around them than anyone else (especially since I'm still living with my parents). I think it's gotten to the point of exhausting my mom, who has to take care of her own medical issues on top of helping me with mine. It's hard to tell what my dad and brother are thinking, but I'm sure it affects them one way or another, especially since it makes my mom more stressed and costs my family a lot more money.

Partner - Sadly, I think my illnesses affect my partner a lot. We often can't do as much as we (or at least I) would like to do because I often lack the energy and/or don't want to feel sicker. He also ends up taking care of me a lot, which I'm sure takes up a lot of time and energy. And because of the highly suspected BPD (by a myself and later a psychologist), things can get really chaotic, and I personally can get (or almost get) emotionally abusive. Thankfully, he has learned to not take it seriously and talk me down, but I'm sure it all takes an emotional toll on him. Really hoping to get a lot of this stuff under control before long...

That's it I guess. Didn't think this would get that long. Hopefully, some day, this will all have less of an effect on others.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
It's been a long day spent out of the house getting flexion and extension video x-rays. We had to go a little far away from home because most places didn't have the equipment for this type of x-ray. It took my mom a while to find this place. Thankfully, the people who worked there were all pretty nice, and after everything was set up, the x-rays only took several minutes. Now we've finished all the x-rays and MRIs that my doctor wanted, so we don't have to worry about that anymore.

Guess it's time to return to sitting at home and zoning out.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
It’s one of those days where the only thing that’s keeping me from continually nodding off is eating something. And even that isn’t helping that much. Probably going to have to give in and take a nap if this lasts much longer.


cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)

June 2017

111213 14151617


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 23rd, 2017 06:09 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios