Life Log

Overwhelmed, Trying to Get Back Into This

2021-01-02T02:10:03Z

OKAY, my goal is to keep up with all posts on my reading page after this one. I will get back into using this site and reading everyone's stuff.

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E Collars

2021-01-02T02:06:01Z

We had to put E Collars on the kittens due to their spay and neuter, and they're still getting used to them. Still ramming into things. Still trying to force them off.

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One Piece Volume 44

2020-12-30T16:16:24Z

One Piece, Volume 44: Let's Go Back by Eiichiro Oda
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

View all my reviews

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One Piece Volume 43

2020-12-28T01:39:53Z

One Piece, Volume 43: Legend of a Hero by Eiichiro Oda
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

View all my reviewsI really enjoyed this one!

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Foster Kitten Pictures!

2020-12-22T01:52:55Z

Instagram . Mastodon . Pixelfed

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OneDrive Cleaning

2020-12-04T23:34:08Z

Finally clearing out my OneDrive and moving pictures over to my computer. This is taking a long time.

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New Semester: Spring 2021

2020-12-01T19:48:47Z

I'll be transfering over to the local university next semester. These are the classes I'm planning on taking so far:

The Dreaming Brain
Abnormal Behavior
Psychology of Personality (or something like that)

I'm taking three classes because I had a hard time with two last semester. But then again, I only end up with As in my classes, so I probably could take more. It just feels impossible for some reason I guess. This is probably my result of being unschooled up until I went to college. I'm not used to this stuff, and it's like it my results either have to be A-range, or I quit and "can't" do the assignment. I know I'll probably need to get over that, which probably means taking a full load of classes, but then again my mental health has been pretty bad lately, and I don't want to take on too much.

Just to have it written down, I'm finishing up Psychology Statistics and College Algebra this semester (Fall 2020). It looks like I'll get good results in them, though it's been extremely overwhelming.

A good thing about switching from a community college (or at least this specific community college) to a university is that I can actually get live lectures of my online classes. The community college I went to didn't offer that, and I'm pretty confident that having live lectures will make things easier and boost my mental health. Just going to the online orientation made me feel better for a little while. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've really been around people (who aren't my nurses) since I've been stuck at home for who knows how many months at this point. It was really refreshing to actually get up, shower, do my makeup, and see real people on the screen. Some people might tell me to go ahead and shower and do my makeup regularly, because it seems like I'd feel better that way, but it's really not the same if I'm just going to be alone. I mean, it would probably make me feel a little better, but I doubt it's worth the effort of doing all that stuff.

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Schedule Mixup and More

2020-12-01T19:33:39Z

I'm honestly not sure what to say here, so I'm just going to say what's on my mind and see what happens.

I've started attempting to get my schoolwork done in the morning/earlier in the day, and so far, I've been succeeding a lot of the time. I think just changing up your schedule can be really refreshing if you can. The problem: After I get everything done, I realized that I'm depressed and can't get myself to do anything I enjoy anyway. So part of me is like.. what's the point of getting everything done early if I'm just going to spend the rest of the day unable to get myself to do anything except maybe lie on the floor? Maybe I'll figure something out.

I've been trying to play Genshin Impact and WoW, but I haven't had much motivation or energy to do those things either. This is probably a really boring update.

The foster kittens have been playing in this one cardboard box for hours this morning. I don't understand how they get fixated on one thing for so long. I really wish I could do that right now.

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A Little Update

2020-11-29T02:11:16Z

I noticed that i haven't posted much on here recently. I suppose I'll type out a little update. Warning: This is ending up negative. (This has been manually crossposted onto other sites. Originally posted on Waterfall.social.)

Things are definitely getting harder the longer we have to stay inside. Apparently that three-year period of time when I left the house once or twice a month didn't get me used to it. It's hard to tell if I'll personally be able to adapt, but ah, oh well I guess.

So my mental health has been worse, particularly the depression. I've been trying to keep up with doing stuff like watching shows, reading things, and playing games, but it's honestly been really hard to get myself off the floor, a place where I spend much of my time lying down miserably.

I've also been isolating big-time, but I guess I've been doing that for years now, due to depressive and avoidant symptoms. And once you've been avoiding people for years, it's really hard to get back into talking to them anyway. I've been trying, telling myself that maybe they don't hate me because they're inviting me back, but it's hard. I don't know what to think. i don't want to make the assumption that they want to talk to me.

Social media does help me feel a little more connected to others, though!

On the bright side, I guess I'm getting my medications (slowly) changed, and I'm going to therapy again.

Oh, and I'm not sure if I've said this, but my partner and i are fostering kittens! It does help with my mental state for multiple reasons, including the fact that we have to have a schedule for taking care of them. For example, they have to be fed four times in 24 hours.

Anyway, I might post more later. I didn't expect this to be about my mental health, but I guess I'll post it anyway? How are you guys doing?

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Hello

2020-11-26T13:47:13Z

Good morning. I might try to use this site again, mainly for journaling. I'm forgetting so much of my life as is, and this site is a little easier to access information on than Vent. Of course, I still want to keep using Vent. Hopefully I'll be able to use both.

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Back Again

2020-09-18T05:19:34Z

I might be back. I've mostly been using Vent to keep up with my life, but this site is useful, too. Today was a stressful day. I had therapy, a psych appointment, and a bunch of people texting me. I'll be trying a higher dose of Wellbutrin, and I should see results (if I'm going to) in four to six weeks. I've been reading One Piece and have a lot of books piled up to read. I'm very bad at getting around to doing that. Oh, and I'm also reading Witch Hat Atelier, which my brother got me for my birthday (late), and The Body Keeps the Score, which I started reading for my health psychology class. I want to finish it so I can move onto books about the prison system and racism. Maybe I can set a certain amount to read everyday, though it's doubtful that I'll actually do it. I'm also taking two classes right now. I didn't want to take more because of how much I hate online classes. I'm sure things will be like this for a while, though.

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One of Those Nights

2020-05-07T07:41:48Z

I'm having one of those nights where I'm in a good mood and can't really sleep. Maybe I'll try to use this site again to log my life. Right now, I'm mostly using Vent and sometimes MoodTrack on my phone to journal, but I might hop over here and write some thoughts down every now and then.

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Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained notes, part 4

2019-08-20T22:53:26Z

Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained by Henry L. Thompson

Function Types

Three polarities: attitude, judgement, and perception. Within each of these categories are two sides/parts of the personality that cannot be used at the same time. While perceiving functions are irrational, judging functions are considered rational. Hillman's summary of Jung's definition of a function:

"...a relatively unified, relatively consistant and habitual pattern of performance which enjoys itself in its activity, a pattern that likes to be exercised."

Perceiving

First pair of opposites discussed are perceiving functions: Sensing and iNtuiting. They are both used to gather information. They're a "portal" to the internal and external worlds. Gathering information "and bringing it into our consciousness."

Sensing

"Sensing is the process of collecting various forms of energy and converting, or translating, them into neural activity. Perceiving is the process of converting this neural activity into a form that can be recognized." Sensing collects data directly through the senses from the internal/external world. It collects more raw and less biased information. Sensors have a type of memory called experiential memory or "common sense." This memory includes sensory information gathered, "practical knowledge" that goes with it, and our "memories of our subjective responses to those experiences." There is some evidence that Sensing is affected by Thinking/Feeling functions before we are consciously aware of the processed information. So it may be more biased than I previously thought. As a dominant function, Sensing collects facts, experiences, and memories of these things.

Sensors often prefer reality over fantasy and are more concrete when they speak. It may steer the user away from the bigger picture and is very practical when problem solving.

iNtuiting

The other opposite is iNtuiting, which creates insights and shows relationships and possibilities from both internal and external data. Myers describes iNtuiting as, "...indirect perception by the way of the unconscious." "iNtuiting involves the emergence from the unconscious of symbolic images, ideas, and abstract experiences from an object that is not immediately present." Images, relationships, and concepts are stored in the symbolic memory. Retrieval of this memory can be instant, or take a while and result in a sudden "aha!" moment. Meanings, possibilities, and relationships are the focus when iNtuiting is a dominant function. Those with iNtuiting as a dominant function can also be bad with details, and they prefer the imaginary over reality. Very abstract and visionary. They might enjoy dealing with the complex and find creative solutions to theoretical problems. But they are also often impatient and likely to be unable to think in a practical or concrete way.

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Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained notes, part 3

2019-08-16T22:42:37Z

Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained by Henry L. Thompson Ph.D.

Jung's beginning work revolved around focus of energy. "Was it on the object (the external world)... or was it on the subject (the internal world)...?" The focus of energy is called the "attitude-Type" of a person. Jung thought it was biological and even exists in babies.

Extroversion

Those with a extroverted preference focus on the outer world/"object." Extroverts are "externally focused and driven." Little energy is left over for internal focus. They're often (not always??) energized by spending time around others and get bored or drained when they spend time alone. They tend to think out loud and discuss thoughts with others. Extroverts also tend to be verbally fluent. "What you see is what you get."

"Now, when orientation by the object predominates in such a way that decisions and actions are determined not by subjective views but by objective conditions, we speak of an extroverted attitude. When this is habitual, we speak of an extroverted type. If a man thinks, feels, acts and actually lives in a way that is directly correlated with the objective conditions and their commands, he is extroverted." - Jung, 1976

Introversion

In Jung's typology, introverts focus their energy internally, mostly to thoughts and feelings, AKA to the the "subjective." The outer world has little importance/meaning and will drain introverts who are in it for long. "Introverts value their alone time" and often prefer to work alone. They are reserved and prefer extroverts to answer first. "Why-didn't-I-say-that syndrome." Take time to answer. Reflect on questions before answering.

"Although the introverted consciousness is naturally aware of external conditions, it selects the subjective determinants as the decisive ones. It is therefore oriented by the factor in perception and cognition which responds to the sense stimulus in accordance with the individual's subjective disposition." - Jung, 1976

Attitude Compensation

While, for example, an extrovert will be consciously focused externally, they will also be unconsciously focused internally. "If this process becomes unbalanced, neuroses and physical symptoms may develop." People who are extroverted to an extreme will put too much control (or attempts to control) on the environment around them, including people in it. It's important for a person to have a balance between the two. We naturally go back and forth between extroversion and introversion, getting uncomfortable when in the wrong zone for too long.People can have different levels of introversion/extroversion.

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Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained notes, part 2

2019-08-15T22:21:42Z

Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained by Henry L. Thompson, Ph.D.

Myers and Briggs added the perceiving/judging model. As the last of the four letters in a type (P/J), judging/perceiving tells whether a judging (Thinking/Feeling) or perceiving (Sensing/iNtuition) function is extroverted in a given functional pair. A functional pair has one introverted and one extroverted function, and if the extroverted function is a perceiving function (Sensing/iNtuiting), the orientation is P/perceiving. If the extroverted function is a judging function (Thinking/Feeling), the orientation/last letter is J/judging. Quote from the book:

"The assignment of the orientation identifier (J or P) is determined by the function with the extroverted attitude in the functional pair."

Example table from the book:

Table 3
Attitude of dominant function	Perceiving function	Judging function	Identifier of extroverted function
E	N	F	P
I	S	T	J

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Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained Notes, part 1

2019-08-15T15:44:54Z

Jung's Function-Attitudes Explained by Henry L. Thompson Ph.D.

I decided that I'm going to put some of my notes for this book here. I'll use specific tags to separate it from other posts.

Jung's personality typing system works off of opposites. There are both attitudes and functions, attitudes being introversion and extroversion, and functions being Sensing, iNtuiting, Feeling, and Thinking. Introversion (brings data to inner world) and extroversion (brings inner world to outer world?) are opposites. Out of the functions, Sensing and iNtuiting are opposites when it comes to perceiving, and Feeling and Thinking are opposites when it comes to judging.

Overall, attitude and function are combined
Attitudes: Introversion and extroversion
Functions: Sensing iNtuiting, Feeling, and Thinking
Example of combination: Introverted Feeling type

Each function has a different amount of habitual use, differentiating it from/over the other functions for that person. This determines a person's main type. For example if your Thinking function is the most habitually used, you are a Thinking type. Jung advanced his system by recognizing a secondary type/"second most differentiated function." Together, these functions create a functional pair. Functional pairs are always a combination of an introverted and extroverted function, and Jung says that they're always a perceiving/judging pair. Sensing/iNtuiting and Thinking/Feeling can't combine into functional pairs because they're opposites.

Once the dominant/primary function is decided, so is the inferior function. The inferior function is the opposite of the primary function, and the two functions can't be used at the same time. Unlike the primary function, the inferior function is underdeveloped. When someone heavily relies on their inferior function, they have temporarily entered what is known as a "grip." Other than the three functions mentioned, there is also the tertiary function, which is the opposite of the secondary function and cannot be used at the same time.

With this system, Jung technically described eight different types, though it seems like he mentioned more than eight types in his works. Myers and Briggs expanded them to sixteen types.

Gifts Differing is an important book by Isabel Briggs Myers about that version of typology.

I think I already knew most of this, but it's a good refresher.

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Finished One Piece: Volume 29

2019-08-13T22:09:27Z

One Piece, Volume 29: Oratorio by Eiichiro Oda
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

View all my reviews

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Things I've Done Today

2019-08-02T01:27:35Z

Bought workout bands and oats from the store.
Delivered a package at USPS.
Picked up mail at USPS.
Played "A Way Out" with the partner.
Took care of the cats.

Probably more that I can't think of.

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Cat Man

2019-07-28T16:02:46Z

An article about a guy who posts videos and pictures of feeding stray cats.

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Major Things I Need to Do

2019-07-25T17:24:27Z

Clean our room
Pick out glasses online
Find a good nearby tattoo artist
Watch out for size 5 (US 7) sandals
Figure out a theme for a serious blog
Figure out POTS workout schedule
Redo Waterfall.social "About" page
Pick out Fabletics clothes (my mom has extra points on that site and wants to spend them, so she's buying me whatever I want as long as it's cheap enough)

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Back for a Bit

2019-01-05T17:47:36Z

I want to come back to this site every now and then, but if I were to use this site somewhat actively again, I'd probably have to unsubscribe from a lot of people, and I hate doing that. Just a thought.

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Cluster C

2018-11-06T12:33:31Z

The psychiatrist seems to think I might have AvPD as well (I didn’t even have to bring it up myself—phew) + cluster C traits in general. I can tell that she sees the dependent in me. She’s thinking I should try something called Intensive Outpatient Group Therapy (or something like that), and I’m pretty sure I’d have to attend multiple days a week. Guess I won’t be taking many classes if/when I do that.

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It Might Not be Narcolepsy?

2018-11-06T12:31:34Z

My new sleep doctor looked at the sleep study I got years ago and said that we have to redo it. There’s no proof that it was done properly. Under her expectations, everyone who does a sleep study for things like narcolepsy have to wear a wrist band for two weeks in advance and have heavy restrictions placed on them and the room during the study. The study also has to be done when the patient normally goes to bed, which wasn’t done in my sleep study. She said that starting and ending the sleep study at the slightly wrong time could cause the patient to enter REM quickly during the naps. (I was actually wondering about this.)

It makes me wonder if my relatives were misdiagnosed as well. Maybe we all have a different type of hypersomnia??

The problem is, in order to retake the sleep study, I have to be off many of my meds for two weeks, which might not be an option right now. I’m apparently on a stimulant + REM suppressor anyway, and they both help a little, so that might be the best treatment I get anyway.

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Daily Album #4

2018-05-03T21:55:50Z

Axiom by Dead Poet Society

I liked this one a surprising amount. Will probably come back to it.

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Daily Album #3

2018-05-03T15:21:03Z

Album: We Are the Lazer Viking
Artist: An Albatross

This one is for yesterday. I listened to it last night after asking people to recommend a short album to me. (I wanted to go to bed.)

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