cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Catching up on my Reading Page again. 

Things have calmed down at home for a little while, and now my parents are almost "getting along." And that scares me. Turns out they're not getting the divorce now, so this whole process of things being "fine" and suddenly chaotic (which spins out and affects other people) is going to repeat itself. It seems like it's continuing to get worse, too, but sometimes things get worse before they get better? ...Yeah, I doubt that's the case here, though I can't predict too much with the observation of it getting worse. 

Agh, now I have that restless depressed feeling and don't know what to do about it. 

Michael just went to his internship. Today is the lab work day. Last time he spent it dealing with liquid (for DNA I think) and labeling vials. I'm assuming today won't be much different. Before he left, we watched a couple more episodes of Steven Universe, and WOW, I keep forgetting how comforting that show is. Watching it for me is kind of like being reborn and forgetting a bunch of social norms I barely knew I had. It's hard to explain.

My face is breaking out again, and this began soon after I stopped taking the low-dose antibiotic. My dermatologist thought that at least some of my facial skin problems were related to the MCAS, especially because my skin appears to be doing a thing that involves cells that closely interact with mast cells (or something). I forgot the name of the condition, but it involves continued flushing. My doctor prescribed the low-dose antibiotics because not only does it help with my specific skin issues; he's also seen research on it improving MCAS symptoms. I'm bad at noticing changes in symptoms, so it's hard to tell if stopping it did anything that isn't skin related, but I have been getting more bad headaches lately... I'll try to keep that in mind.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
So I finally started my period again about a month after my eighteen-day period that began three days after another eight-day period.

Menstruation talk )
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I said I wanted more weird dream/sleep experiences. After all, they've been one of the few things I've been laughing at lately. I talked about one where I grabbed window shades to stop myself from falling, only to realize that, by then, I was awake and on my bed. Though there was a decent chance I could've broken the shades, all the laughing about it after was refreshing. So I sincerely wanted something like that to happen again.

Somehow, it took me a while to notice this, but often fall into a light sleep for short periods of time when comfortable enough. This is most noticeable when I'm texting someone, and a long line of random letters appears on my screen out of nowhere. It doesn't feel like I fell asleep at all. If anything, it feels like I zoned out for a second or two, but the number of letters that appeared on my screen pointed to it being much longer than that. 

I didn't think I was randomly falling asleep like this until after the sleep study. During the daytime tests, when I had to lie in bed for 10-15 minute segments while they read my brain waves, I didn't think I slept at all, but the people running the test kept walking in saying that I was asleep and in R.E.M. somehow. So I started paying attention to the random "zoning out" moments, and they're slowly starting to reveal some dream-like qualities. 

Anyway, this morning I started playing a game on my phone, and it didn't take long for me to start "zoning out." As I was slowly becoming more conscious, I noticed that my thumb was on the home button (which is also a fingerprint scanner, used for unlocking the phone and making payments and other important things) and assumed I was just unlocking my phone because it went into sleep mode or something. Then I realized that 1. I was still in the game, not on the lock screen, and 2. A MESSAGE JUST POPPED UP SAYING THAT I MADE A PAYMENT. ($25.00. It wasn't one of the cheaper options.) The game was full of ads for offers costing real money, yes, but my fingers managed to tap actual buttons and move my thumb to the home button at the right time. I couldn't tell if this was more impressive or scary. It was...shocking... for sure.

It's kind of like my unconscious side is learning how to do more and more on its own, and I'm going to have to kid proof (can't think of a better descriptor) things so I'm not cleaning up its messes later. (I guess I already kind of do this with emotional splitting, which doesn't seem that different from doing things in my sleep from this angle.) I'm also finding it way too interesting because brain-related stuff like this is right up my alley. And even though living with narcolepsy (though some people may have these experiences without it) can be H A R D, it's also comparable to living in multiple realities at once: hopping between them without much control, not knowing which reality a memory came from, having to piece together what actually happened, and, in a way, having more experiences that aren't linked chronologically... but through thought processes the brain has created a path between. Basically, it gives me something to figure out and is making me more familiar with how brains can work.

If this doesn't end up making sense, don't bother making sense of it. I can't really... "word" right now, and when I come up with a word, it feels off, and I'm unsure about using it. Basically, everything is a mess. I thought it'd be better to get something out now then forget this ever happened another day and not record it.

-Okay, you can stop explaining yourself now.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Wow, I usually wouldn't be saying this after being kind of inactive on DW for this amount of time, but a lot has happened over the past... *checks date of last entry* two weeks. Here I am already stressing over how to word things. Plus my hands are apparently really shaky today, sol typing to begin with is a challenge. My "editing" (even though I try not to care about that on here anyway) can be fixing all these typos. 

I've actually been here silently trying to catch up on people's posts. Today, I finally read (or skimmed or skipped posts about things I wasn't familiar with enough to understand) through everything, and I'm back at the front of my reading page. My next step, because my brain gets angry at me for not doing things in a specific order, is to go through and hopefully finish responding to comments. I don't know why they scare me so much. Actually, while going through my reading page, I found several posts that I felt like I could comment on!!! What happened? With the amount of time and energy it'd probably take, and all the other things I've been trying to get done, I put it off for the time being. Just thought I'd say that in cause it meant anything to anyone.

For some reason, I'm allowed to write this in the middle of the reading/responding to comments process. Just want everyone to know that I want to and will (unless something new stops me) at least read all of them. 

Anyway, yeah, things have been busy. And at the same time, there is never enough going on. I'm still in recovery from getting a C1-C2 fusion along with a bone being removed to aid the infusion and allow spinal fluid to drain more easily. (There was a name for the second part, but it's really long and never sticks in my head... unlike the spinal fluid.) Then I've been spending a lot of time either zoning out (more than usual) because it's the time of the year when my FP, who is also my partner, has to spend a lot of time away. The hardest part of that for me is him going on the yearly beach trip with his family and some old friends. Yes, I'm aware that none of that makes sense. In the waiting period after the surgery and before the beach trip, I've been sleeping, obsessively getting into phone games (it's been a while), and trying to catch up with what people have posted online. 

Wayyy too many words about my surgery and post-surgery experiences )
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I was hoping to write something before the surgery scheduled on the 26th (AKA tomorrow), but I've just been so overwhelmed over the past week. Family problems, paranoia, stress, pain, and all the stuff we have to get done before surgery (much more than I expected at least) have me sitting here with less brain power than usual. Now it's past 1AM, and... I can't even remember what I was going to say. I really wanted to write the past few days, but they're already being pushed deeper into my memory. 

Yesterday I'm pretty sure [personal profile] woofelss  followed through with a last-minute plan to meet up with someone we used to hang out with. Thinking the person has been trying to avoid me, I wasn't sure about the plan, but [personal profile] woofelss  pushed the idea so I'd do something social. After all, he hasn't picked up any negative signs from that person, and I generally trust him more than I trust myself. We also went to a presurgery checkup earlier that day, and getting out of the DC area took two hours longer than expected this time. So we ended up only getting two hours with them, though they both got to see each other for a few hours before I showed up. That should've been fine, but paranoia isn't easy to control. It ended up being fun anyway--just probably spent more time feeling strong negative emotions before + after the event than positive emotions during the event (if my half-asleep words make any sense). I don't know if it was worth it.

Today, I signed a few documents on what is to be done when I am dead or unable to make decisions. [personal profile] woofelss showed up after his classes and is planning to spend the night and hang around the hospital on surgery day. 

Now? I'm exhausted, and I still have more to do. I had to take a shower tonight and will have to take one at about 6AM tomorrow. (Before today, the plan was to leave around 3-4AM, so I just decided hat I wouldn't sleep. Apparently, that's when the doctors who are more aware of my conditions are available. Not sure how I feel about that change. I'll go along with, though.) Then I have take meds at a specific time. Blah, this is starting to look glitchy on my iPPad, so Ill probably just sleep now.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I didn't think that Vyvanse was helping that much, but switching from 50mg once a day to 30mg twice a day seems to be making a huge difference. Falling asleep is even easier than it was before, and being depressed, I've been taking that to my advantage. Now, when I'm stuck at home for most of the day, I spend a lot of time sleeping. I guess I got used to the effects of the other dose because I don't remember fighting quite this hard to stay awake, even when I was unmedicated. At least this shows that something is working. I need to contact my psych nurse (who seems to know more about narcolepsy than my sleep specialist did), but I've been lacking so much energy and motivation. Since much of my depression seems dopamine-related, I might be going downhill in that area, too. I don't think the adrenaline rushes have been that bad since changing the dose, though.

cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Not sure why I'm attempting to post something now considering the fact that my mind is so blank. Just got back from a long appointment. Actually, the appointment wasn't that long itself, but the trip plus chaos and drama in the car took up time and energy. I feel so empty right now but am scared of trying to fill that empty spot... just so it doesn't feel like I keep losing everything again... if that makes any sense. 

On the bright side, just being able to type out words and hear the clicking of my keyboard seems to be grounding me. I think I feel like I have more freedom, too. 

I hate being reminded of all the time and resources I take up by existing. Being sick... being an incompetent person who doesn't do anything... the fact that my family already has enough trouble with conditions that doctors/researchers don't know much about... me being really hard to deal with in general... I don't know. And, because of a lot of this, I'm the reason someone wants to die.

I'm starting to numb everything out more, but I hate what feeling nothing... feels like. The more time I spend feeling nothing, the worse this restless emptiness feeling gets. (So I can't say I'm really "feeling nothing" after a certain period of time.)

Anyway, the reason I had the cardiologist appointment today was because I needed him to sign off that, from his perspective, I was ready for surgery. (Can't remember if I've talked about this here yet, but some doctor finally ran the right tests and found something that was "significantly" wrong with my cervical spine. C1 and C2 are slipping off of eachother way too much, and there seems to be some deformities in that area as well. Plus there's wayyy too much space in between them. Like C1 was 2x or 3x further above C2 than it should be. (Will my neck be noticeably shorter after surgery???) And because I have a mild Chiari malformation issue and spinal fluid blockage (or however you say it), he'll be removing a bone behind my neck as well. 

Also, some important veins can be temporarily closed off by my neck subluxing, so that could explain the vision loss and floaters I get when putting my head in certain positions, especially when my POTS is acting up.

To keep going with this updating thing, I also got a PICC line inserted at some point (for IV saline five days a week). With all my ups and downs, it's hard to tell how much it's helped, but one thing we know for sure is that I gained 6 pounds since starting the treatment. I'm still underweight, but holy shit, I don't think I've ever weighed this much. Since some point before the fluids, my BMI (yes, I know that system isn't perfect, but it's a way to show the changes) has gone from low 16 to high 17. So I'm almost up to a "normal" weight, though I seem to have smaller bones that anyone else I' remember meeting, so I could be closer to a "normal" weight than I thought. Fuck you, dehydration!!

Typing all that was distracting. I should probably get something to eat. Back to the weight thing, I haven't even been eating that much lately due to mental health reasons. I wonder if I could get up to 110--I mean I only have 6-7 (depending) pounds to go. But. yeah. food. I'll probably put that off for a little longer, and then we'll see.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Okay, things have changed a lot since yesterday. (I think it was yesterday at least???) I got the PICC line inserted, which wasn’t that bad. During and after the insertion, I started getting heart palpitations and ignored it for a while. At a certain point, I thought I’d look it up to see what might be going on, and it turns out it’s a common sign of the PICC line being inserted a little too far in.

Today I’ve been getting a lot less palpitations but much more pain in my arm, back, and chest when moving my body (mostly my torso). Someone from Home Health Care came to show us how to connect the saline + dextrose pack. The nurse said something about checking to make sure I don’t have a blood clot or something soon. (???)

I literally spent over five hours on a liter of fluids and still had to stop early because my arm was turning dark purple, and my veins hurt like heck. In person, my doctor suggested letting it slowly drip overnight while, in her instructions, she said to let it drip for 3-4 (or 4-5) hours. So that’s what the nurse told us to do. Either this is something I’ll need to get used to (five whole days a week), they need to fix/change something (like time spent), or this isn’t going to work.

It’s still hard to move my fingers (aka type) with this hand, it’s still turning purple unless I constantly point it upward, and now the area where the PICC is inserted is even more prickly/itchy.

I’m going to have a hard time not ripping this thing out.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
On another note, it looks like I’ll be getting the PICC line inserted tomorrow???! I don’t think I’m grasping this because I feel pretty indifferent about it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what kept me up last night.

That also means home health care will be coming over--into our messy trashy house--the day after to help us take care of it/set things up. Them coming over honestly isn’t the biggest deal to me right now. I’m more worried about showering (which is enough work already) and sleeping while getting the fluid drip. My geneticist instructed that I do a slow “gravity drip” 4 or so days a week so I could wake up more hydrated. Problem: My arm might have to be held in a certain position, and I don’t know how I’m going to handle that as someone who rolls around a lot in bed, sleeps in weird positions, and constantly deals with “jumpy legs.”

I guess I’ll just continue what I’ve been doing for the longest time and “see how it goes.”
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I saw my dermatologist yesterday who, like the allergist, suggested that much of what was going on with my face was rosacea... except the dermatologist said he’s seen it be an issue for his mast cell patients.

Anyway, this doctor is really nice, talkative, enthusiastic about everything, and loves his job (or is really good at faking it). He told us about research he found suggesting that low-dose doxycycline has been beneficial to people with mast cell disorders and other immune issues. (Plus it’s known to help with the rosacea.) But yeah, since it’d be at a really low dose and is pretty harmless compared to other meds (at least from what he knows), I’ll be starting that really soon. I’ll also be continuing on the autoimmune drug (can’t remember the name) until things start to settle down.

During that appointment, I also learned that the skin takes in outside materials (idk I’m bad at words) similarly to digestive organs. I would say more but can’t remember much else, but whatever he said was interesting.

He also gave his opinions on the PICC line, surgery, Xolair, etc., and now I feel a little better about the current decisions. (PICC line, then surgery, then Xolair). Still wish I could research this stuff without getting overwhelmed, though. (Actually, the last few times I’ve researched things, I’ve felt surprisingly ok and in control. I think starting the task is the worst part.)
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Apparently I’ll be getting my PICC line inserted in about a week (??), and I’m testing out dressings (or I think that’s what they’re called). At first I was like, “Oh great, more sticky patch-like things.” I don’t know if I’ve ever had a sticky patch put on my skin without problems (nothing that bad–just angry mast cells on my skin). It’s not a big deal if I leave them on for a few minutes; the redness/other effects on my skin will often last less than a day or two days at the longest.

It’s different when I constantly have to put a sticky patch on one area of skin for days/weeks at a time. It seems like my skin is just now recovering from a bandage I had to wear (and switch out of course) for over a week… months ago. It’s not bothering me much; it’ll just get red and itchy much easier than other patches of skin. I could even see the outline of the bandage when something bothered it until recently. And while I had to keep that bandage on (and yes, we tried TONS of different bandages, and I think it got to the point where putting pressure on that area made it angry) it was itchy, painful, burning, and covered in moving bumps (some pus-filled).

So yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to putting more patches on my skin, but these are turning out surprisingly okay. I’ve had one on my arm and one on my stomach and have had almost no problems!! Let’s hope the whole PICC line thing turns out that way, too (ifff we end up following through with it).

Closeup of a wrist and part of a lower arm with a clear, wrinkly, plastic patch covering the skin right below the wrist. The arm is pale, and blue veins are lightly visible.Closeup of a rectangular plastic patch with rounded corners on pale skin. The patch is clear and looks wrinkly.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Just got back from seeing my primary doctor (who seems really nice and understanding of everything) so she can confirm the surgery at C1-C2. Of course, she has to check some things off first, so I’ll be getting some tests done and will see a cardiologist to get an “OK” from them. The surgery is currently planned for mid or late April.

But my physical therapist, who’s seen a lot of people with negative surgery experiences, thinks I should hold off. He doesn’t think it’s worth it unless you’re having “drop attacks,” which are described as passing out (kind of) at the turn of the head. My mom has been gathering information, so I can thank her for that (though she hasn’t been listening to me about any of it), and we scheduled another appointment for asking questions. (I have a lot of them.)

Anyway, I got the report from the neurosurgeon at some point, and from what I remember, it described C1 and C2 as being completely separated, so… I guess it’s bad…? Sheesh, I can’t say that things might be bad without feeling like I’m overreacting.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
So I might be going to a Holocaust museum in D.C. today!! This will be extremely liberating because I’ll be traveling by metro without a parent and will only be relying on one person!!! Progress?

I just wish it wasn’t so cold outside. Maybe my random heat surges will prove useful. Also, I’m in a decent amount of pain, but it won’t take long to get to the metro, and the museum should be less than 10 minutes away from the stop. They also have wheelchairs and other mobility aids in the museum. I don’t know if I could use them publicly without panicking or coming close to panic, though... but... they’re there. I can use them if I’m desperate (and that would be when the desperation is stronger than the panic of using them).

So yeah, trying to kindle this excitement without getting my hopes up too much!
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So I've been reading articles from The Mighty lately, and they've come out with new challenges for each month of 2017. Since challenges are some of the few things that can motivate me to do or produce things, I thought I'd give it a try. January's challenge (which actually starts on the 2nd) consists of daily journaling. Basically, it consists of journaling every day. How much you write is entirely up to you, though you'll receive daily prompts--which I'll try to use--to help you get going. I'll tag all entries as "My Mighty Month" to keep track of them. Time to post the first entry!

Challenge received from
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
January 2, 2017

It’s been a long day yesterday, much of which I spent at a New Years party. Today I’m exhausted and can’t stop hot flashing. The party itself definitely could’ve been better, and I ended up feeling really… forgotten and abandoned by the end of the day, but going to Michael’s after the party was better. People actually acted like they kind of wanted to be there. I got to give up on trying to make sure everyone was pleased.
Personal prompt: What are some things you want to improve in the New Year?

Obviously, there’s my health—both physical and mental. Then I could at least do more than I’m doing now. I would also impact others’ lives less, which would be a big thing for me. I really don’t like how needy I am right now. If they’re going to help me, I wish that I could at least stop impacting their lives negatively. Maybe have more of a positive influence on them.

This goes along with the other improvement I’d like to make, but I’d also like to feel more competent. Maybe I can do that by getting my driver’s permit or learning some of the skills needed to survive independently. None of that really seems possible, but that’ll never change. Maybe I’ll try and do surprisingly well. That’s probably the mindset I should be using right now.

Creative Prompt: Come up with a pitch for a new television show. (What’s it about? Who stars in it? Where does it take place?)

In the new show, Myth Pouncers, three cats named Rocket, Racer, and Toby (played by none other than themselves) test what no cat has tested before. The trio travels all over the world to find and catch the truth. Can cats really eat all of a mouse’s bones? Find out as they chow down in the downtown barn restaurant. Can they climb to heights that were thought to be impossible to reach? The answer will be revealed when execute the dangerous mission of climbing to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Do cats really have nine lives? Discover the truth when the three daredevils go skydiving… without a parachute.
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I’ve been on nebulized cromolyn for a while (kind of?) now. I think it’s been causing the nose bleeds, which have been fluctuating in severity. Honestly, I thought they were improving for a while and thought that maybe I was getting used to the medication. Then they got much worse, and now my nose is almost constantly bleeding throughout the day. (Like almost every time I look in the mirror, I can see blood coating one of my nostrils.) Obviously there could be a lot of explanations. For example, my dad said the heater was really messing with his sinuses, and a lot of people get nosebleeds at this time of year. Then there’s the fact that I’ve been taking plaquenil for a while now, which often causes easy bleeding. Heck, it could be a mix of things. I just think I remember it starting/getting much worse when I started nebulizing.

I’ll probably try decreasing the dose and see what happens. So yeah, if anyone has experience with this med, I’d be interested in hearing about it!! (Just keep in mind that I’m really bad at responding but would appreciate any input, even if it’s just a few words.)

Originally posted on Tumblr.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I often get mechanical allodynia on patches of skin (though it can be all of my skin if it’s lightly rub repeatedly). But now, it’s going down the middle of my spine. Any movement of my torso or movement of my shirt against my back causes a surprising amount of pain. Time to just sit completely still I guess.

I also can feel a bump going along my spine near the painful area. I’ve had a pretty big cyst on my spine before, but this is much smaller and feels more like it’s on the surface of my skin. It kind of feels like a mosquito bite, so yeah, probably unrelated.

Originally posted
on Tumblr.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
Ugh. I’ve been feeling pretty bad physically for a while now, and for some reason, I’ve been ignoring it. Only recently realized that it may not be from recent changes in medication–but dehydration getting worse. Come to think of it, I haven’t been keeping up with the daily 2+ liters of water with around 8 grams of salt. There’s just so much to keep up with, and now it’s even more difficult to drink because my stomach especially hates water when it’s nauseas.

Along with constant mild nausea (that gets worse when I move, shift to a more upright position, or talk), I’ve been experiencing more muscle aches, dizziness/vertigo, and especially tremors and weakness. Honestly, I’m having a pretty hard time walking now due to how weak and wobbly my legs are. I’m also having a harder time than usual doing anything that requires fine motor control because my hand just kind of jumps around everywhere. These things make it even harder to get food without feeling horrible or spilling things everywhere. But I have a really hard time asking for help, especially when everyone else in the house is busy.

Ugh. Why does getting a PICC line have to be so complicated...?

Originally posted on Tumblr.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
It’s really hard to handle this emptiness, and I end up getting really uneasy, anxious, and in need of a lot going on around me. Although going to my partner’s house can really help, I often feel trapped in a silent and stagnant place without an easily-accessible way to get rid of the feeling. It’s basically that stuck-in-an-empty-room feeling. Leaving the house can help a little, though I’ve been physically crashing very easily lately. So there opens the thin line between balancing my physical and emotional health.

Tonight I came up with an idea: Maybe there are free-to-use wheelchairs in the mall near his house. Being in a crowded and noisy environment is enough to make me feel bad the next day, but maybe if I conserve energy by not walking as much, I won’t feel as bad.

Problem is... I’m really scared of using a wheelchair while I can walk. There are so many stories about people getting insulted/harassed for using a wheelchair when they “don’t need it.” Plus, since wheeling myself around in one might be worse for my joints than walking (which is probably worse for fatigue/other symptoms), I’d probably have to rely on my partner to push me around. I really don’t want him to have to deal with that... even if he says he’s fine with it. I don’t even know if a wheelchair would help that much, and the guilt would probably be overwhelming. Basically, I really don’t know if it’d worth it.

We’ll see what happens.

Originally posted on Tumblr.
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
I am EXHAUSTED (yes, I probably say this a lot). I've had an appointment every day for I don't know how long, and I've had to wake up and get ready earlier than usual for many of them. Because of the near-D.C. traffic and how far away many of the appointments are, I end up spending a lot of time traveling and have been finding it difficult to get food in. Plus exhaustion often leads to things like nausea for me, so that makes eating even harder.

Time to finish typing this hours later at home. I slept for a few hours (or at least an hour I think) after getting home, and that seemed to help a lot. Tomorrow, I’ll be getting more blood drawn. Maybe I’ll get a break after that.

But let’s talk about today’s appointment. Compared to my other appointments, I don’t think this one will be easy to forget. I saw an eye doctor to get the remaining pre-Plaquenil tests done and definitely didn’t expect them to stick some sort of contact lense connected to a wire in my eye. THERE ARE A WIRE COMING OUT OF MY EYE, AND MY EYE DID NOT LIKE IT. I had to skip the eye-numbing drops because they contained some common mast cell triggers, so it ended up being pretty painful, and my eye kept pushing the thing out without my permission. They ended up having to tape it to my face.

Anyway, I was able to get a picture before beginning the test. I’ll put it under the cut because it might be... disturbing to some?? That would make sense at least.

See image... )

Originally posted
on Tumblr.


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