cathugger | January's Mighty Month Challenge

January 4, 2017

Here I am, doing the second entry of tonight. I'm pretty pleased with the last one, though, and writing today and yesterday's prompts in one night will feel nice in the end (saying "will" to help encourage myself). It's been a pretty hard day emotionally, though I could feel much worse physically. Lots of family drama that I can't remember much of. Maybe that's a good thing. Racer has also been going after Toby a lot today. I still haven't figured out the cause or if he's going to ever stop it, so that's an extra stressor on top of everything else. Racer started doing it again when I had to bring them back to the garage, so I went ahead and let Toby out to give him a break. Still gotta figure out what to do about the situation tonight, though. I have no clue what I'm going to do.

Personal Prompt: Write a letter to your future self.

Dear twenty-five-year-old me,

I'm scared for you. I really am. And more than anything else, I hope you're doing better. I hope you're still with

woofelss ... if that's how things are meant to be. I hope you've found some peace with your past and that you can let go of some old grudges. I hope you can forgive and free yourself from mental debts and regrets. If you have lost your cats or anyone else important to you, I'm so sorry. I can't believe how hard that must be, and at this moment, it sounds impossible to live through. Get help. Complain. Grieve. Take breaks. (And these things don't only refer to the loss of another being.) It's a lot to go through. If you're worried about what you could've done better in the past, I, from the past, am trying my best with what I know now. You've got my support and reassurance. It's really fucking hard. If you've made it this far, I applaud you. Whether you feel like you've improved as a person or not, the fact that you've made it this far shows that you have in one way or another. If you still haven't figured things out, you're not old. You have time left. Please feel empowered. You're strong and have been trying your best with what you've been given. Please keep going... for me.

You're making progress,
Nineteen-year-old me

Creative Prompt: Write a letter to someone you admire.

Lady Gaga,

I don't know much about you. I'm going to be honest about that. But because of what I do know--your music, your looks, your personality, your life struggles, what you stand for, who you appear to be--I really look up to you. Your music and not-so-hidden differences are things they are easy to connect with. Because of those things, you can reach in and touch me on a deeper level than most artists can. I've noticed your dissociative moments for a while, and even though I hate that you have to deal with the symptoms of PTSD, it's really comforting to me. I struggle with dissociation, and it can create such awkward and hard-to-explain moments/reactions around other people. It really helps to see someone I admire dealing with similar issues (at least with the dissociation). It makes it feel more possible to be someone I can admire, too.

And your music... your performances... it's all pure art. It all touches me in ways that are hard or even impossible to explain verbally. I really admire your ability to do that.

Thank you for existing,
Someone who really admires you