Life Log

So I might be going to a Holocaust museum in D.C. today!! This will be extremely liberating because I’ll be traveling by metro without a parent and will only be relying on one person!!! Progress?

I just wish it wasn’t so cold outside. Maybe my random heat surges will prove useful. Also, I’m in a decent amount of pain, but it won’t take long to get to the metro, and the museum should be less than 10 minutes away from the stop. They also have wheelchairs and other mobility aids in the museum. I don’t know if I could use them publicly without panicking or coming close to panic, though... but... they’re there. I can use them if I’m desperate (and that would be when the desperation is stronger than the panic of using them).

So yeah, trying to kindle this excitement without getting my hopes up too much!

Today's been better. Still getting that constant vertigo and weird bladder issues, but I've been able to manage. (To be honest, it got to the point where I lightly peed my pants yesterday without warning. It was during a time when the constantly-needing-to-pee feeling was finally leaving me alone for once. That feeling doesn't seem to trustworthy anymore, but I know my body's trying its best.) It's been the most productive day I've had in a while, even though I spent most of the time zoning out. Now that I think of it, I can't really remember what I've done today. I just know that I've checked a lot of items off my to-do list. I'm good with that.

It's only about 11:30PM (which isn't that late to me), and I'm ready to lie down in bed and instantly fall asleep. I've spent much of the past few hours eating and spending time with my family. (Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted.) We didn't have much of a variety, but the food was all really good--at least to me. It's been a while since I've had that much real food. We also picked up some gluten-free bready things from a nearby (meaning an hour away) bakery. I really wish my stomach could hold more of that stuff.

Compared to yesterday and the days before, everything feels a lot clearer, and I think I'm less depressed. At least I could say I'm much more motivated than before. I mean, there's no way I would've been able to get any of this stuff done during the last however many days. Maybe I'll continue to feel this way tomorrow.

It's been a long hard day, and things between my parents have hit rock-bottom. In the end, things still seemed to turn out okay. I think I've come to a better understanding of my mom and why she doesn't hear many of the things people say. I think she's also been more honest with herself and felt safe enough to admit that it might be something she does. She seems to have many huge signs of ADHD (at least the hyperactive kind), especially since she talked about all the details she naturally notices at once and how she often couldn't focus on the person speaking for long. There's been a long history of her not hearing most of what I (and my dad apparently) have said and assuming I have said something negative. Then she would often accuse me of saying something I didn't say (and sometimes said the opposite of) because of her negative experiences with people in the past. She also has a habit of focusing on at least one other thing while most of the stuff I say goes over her head. More recently I've learned that multitasking might improve her concentration. That makes me feel much better and less ignored to be honest.

The past few days have been great--probably better than usual. Michael helped me get back on my feet again, and we managed to be somewhat productive. We also got ourselves food, fed and pet the cats, set up the nebulizer (that was mostly him), played Okami, and even went for a walk. I also got some physical therapy done. I have to say I was feeling pretty tired, dizzy, and flu-like after the walk, but I feel much better today. I was afraid it'd be the opposite.

Anyway, I took some pictures while we were out on a walk.

Turns out most of the trees had already shed their leaves, though I found a few remaining colorful ones. It's kind of sad that most of the leaves had changed color a little while ago, and I never noticed.

When we got back, we rested, got dinner (and later... cake), and fed the cats. We also hung out with the cats for a bit. Toby got really affectionate and wouldn't stop rubbing his face against Michael's knee. I tried to get some pictures of them as well and didn't have the best luck. I was lucky enough to get a half-decent picture of Toby, though. He looks calm, but in reality, he's squinting because the camera (AKA my phone) flashed in his face. On the bright side, I do think he's (slowly) getting more comfortable!