Life Log

I noticed that i haven't posted much on here recently. I suppose I'll type out a little update. Warning: This is ending up negative. (This has been manually crossposted onto other sites. Originally posted on Waterfall.social.)

Things are definitely getting harder the longer we have to stay inside. Apparently that three-year period of time when I left the house once or twice a month didn't get me used to it. It's hard to tell if I'll personally be able to adapt, but ah, oh well I guess.

So my mental health has been worse, particularly the depression. I've been trying to keep up with doing stuff like watching shows, reading things, and playing games, but it's honestly been really hard to get myself off the floor, a place where I spend much of my time lying down miserably.

I've also been isolating big-time, but I guess I've been doing that for years now, due to depressive and avoidant symptoms. And once you've been avoiding people for years, it's really hard to get back into talking to them anyway. I've been trying, telling myself that maybe they don't hate me because they're inviting me back, but it's hard. I don't know what to think. i don't want to make the assumption that they want to talk to me.

Social media does help me feel a little more connected to others, though!

On the bright side, I guess I'm getting my medications (slowly) changed, and I'm going to therapy again.

Oh, and I'm not sure if I've said this, but my partner and i are fostering kittens! It does help with my mental state for multiple reasons, including the fact that we have to have a schedule for taking care of them. For example, they have to be fed four times in 24 hours.

Anyway, I might post more later. I didn't expect this to be about my mental health, but I guess I'll post it anyway? How are you guys doing?

I think I've been letting myself sleep too much lately. In a way, I'm kind of happy that I can sleep pretty much whenever I want to. It means I can freely skip through different periods of time and remember even less of what happened. That doesn't mean it's improving things, though.

I'm currently sitting at my desk (instead of on the rug sleeping) in a quiet house next to an IV pole with a pretty-much-empty bag of fluids. Not much longer, and I'll be free to walk around without dragging this giant pole everywhere. Too bad I don't feel like doing anything... except sleeping. I don't know what else to do. Nothing is going on in my brain right now, and I don't have anything that needs to get done asap. (This reminds me that my spaces in the house are a mess, and I have baskets of clothes to fold, but it's all stuff I can't get myself to care enough to do.)

Went up to 300mg of Lithium today. No difference so far... as far as I can tell. Or I think that happened. All this sleep (especially with narcolepsy/other sleep variances) is messing with my memory. It's hard to tell what has actually happened--like even harder than usual--and what is a false memory generated by a dream. 

Okay, just got unhooked from the IV line. I have a little motivation now. Maybe I can get myself to do something... but what? It's already almost 8PM.