Another Quick-ish Update

[cathugger]

I was thinking that I would start posting regularly again, but things have been a little... hectic. It feels like there's too much going on, yet never enough to make life meaningful. When it comes to DreamWidth, I've been hoping to catch up on posts I haven't read and read and reply to comments before posting again. Truth is- I'm a slow reader who has added way too much to my reading page at once. Then there's comments... I usually have a hard time even getting myself to read them because some part of my brain that if I ignore and forget about them, they'll cease to exist. I guess that's true in a way. But no, I need to try to be social. Generally, I feel better connecting to other people--in some ways at least--anyway. The times I do feel worse off, it's because of some irrational problem I need to work through. At the very least, experiencing the problem again will remind me that it exists. I have a tendency to "delete" as many bad memories, emotions, etc. as possible. It's not a horrible ability to have, but it's to the point where I can't control it. If I'm going to be here, I want some memories. Bad memories might make life sound like it's not worth the hassle, but good memories can be a reminder of why living is still worth it. I'm really grateful for woofelss  to keep many of those good memories for me... and tell me about them at the right times.

That got a bit off-topic.

A lot has happened since my last post, and I don't know how to break it up. If I put all of it in one post, it would be very, very long and probably get more unorganized. Maybe I can put together a quick overview of basic events.

• I had cervical surgery and am going through recovery
• I spent some time in the hospital, which was interesting
• I finally got a new mouse (the last mouse was horrible and did a lot of weird things a mouse shouldn't have the power to do) and mousepad and am waiting for a more functional headset
• I've probably researched and learned some things out of curiosity
• I saw a friend (?) I haven't seen in a while... still not sure what he thinks of me
• I'm still enviously listening to my brother improve on the bass
• Things have changed in my family in multiple ways, and I don't even know where to begin there
• I've been in a pretty low place mentally for a while now

And that's what came to mind at that moment. I'll probably go more into depth at some point. Waiting for woofelss to get back from his (last) class, and we'll probably end up calling and playing a game together after that. For now, I think I'll continue going through my reading list, check on some updates from elsewhere, and possible play some Black Desert. 

Comments

[spindle_ella]

At first I thought you meant pet mouse and was very confused. I hope your recovery goes well and you feel a bit brighter soon!

[buttonsbeadslace]

Sending you sympathy re: ignoring comments. I struggle with that too. I seem to go back and forth between really wanting comments / "likes" / etc., versus being really anxious about them, avoiding looking at notifications, and feeling too intimidated to reply. It's a work in progress.

[cathugger]

Ugh, thank you. There's something really comforting about hearing from people who go through similar things, and I can relate to all of that. Hoping that we both feel more comfortable in those situations eventually.